'The Rest of The Story' Has Been Told: Broadcast Legend Paul Harvey Has Died

My absolute favorite broadcaster of all time has died. Although automation had eradicated most of the magical voices that were once broadcast across the AM and FM bands throughout this country of ours, Paul Harvey somehow weathered the storm, with nothing more than actual talent. Now, he has bid all of his fans 'good day'.
'The Rest of The Story' has been a huge influence in my life. I have been late to work several times because I was circling the block, listening to Paul Harvey. I was never fired because of my radio listening habits but there were times that I would have given up my job to hear the....rest...of...the story.

CBS COLUMBIA SQUARE /Art Linkletter: Kids Say The Darndest Things

I was attending a film screening at Sunset Gower Studios (formerly Columbia) the other day and I wandered over to the old KNX Columbia Square building. KNX was a beautiful studio in it's day, it's halls were filled with the sounds of broadcasting history from Jack Benny to Edgar Bergen & Charlie Mccarthy, to Red Skelton and Bob Hope. The pilot episode of 'I Love Lucy' was filmed here, right here on the very spot of the first movie studio in Hollywood, Nestor Studios. Across the street is the Gower Gulch, an early hollywood hangout for cowboys where the term 'drugstore cowboy' was coined. Now I stand here on the very spot of the birth place of motion pictures, next to the streamlined neon of the Palladium theater in the now frighteningly dark streets of Sunset Boulevard where I stare up at the dingy, shuttered remains of what was once called the Taj Mahal of Hollywood, CBS Columbia Square. Charlie Chaplin filmed some of his first silent movies on this corner and James Dean was an usher here. And now, in 2009 as i stand here, a homeless man is pushing a shopping cart down the street screaming "VAGINA" in his native vernacular. What the fuck happened to this country?
Art Linklater broadcast his radio and television show 'G.E. House Party' from Columbia Square and had a hilarious segment called 'kids says the darndest things', my grandfather was one of his assistants on the radio program. Here is a brief clip.


Kids Say the Darndest Things - ART LINKLETTER - The funniest videos are a click away

NATIONAL COMEDY RADIO: FEATURED AUDIO COMEDY

TWAT FINANCIAL/FAMILY SEX TOY COMPANY

An honest Bank loan commercial....with a twist....plus my investigative report of a family owned sex toy company in the style of retro NPR. This is radio sketch comedy at it's finest! You won't hear this on your radio!
Written and Produced By Benjamin 'Wally' Carrico copyright 2008

Nicky And Paris Hilton (yawn) Enjoy Fashion Week

Nicky and Paris Hilton took full advantage of their front row seats at the Pamella Rowland fall 2009 runway show on Tuesday. The Hilton sisters displayed respect and interest for New York fashion by playing “Sonic The Hedgehog” and “Brickles” on their iPhones during Rowland's clothing presentation.

During most of the show, the Hiltons were actually texting one another. Says one onlooker, "It is well know that Paris and Nicky never speak to one another directly. Paris texts her assistant who in turn texts Nicky's assistant who then texts Nicky. Short, meaningless conversations can take hours."

Here is a transcript of the fashion show text:

Paris: (to her assistant) "Lost my sunglasses..."
Paris’ Assistant: (to Nicky’s assistant) "Paris lost her sunglasses."
Nicky: (to her assistant) "...on her lap."
Nicky’s Assistant: (to Paris’ assistant) .."sunglasses on Paris' lap.."
Paris’ Assistant: (to Paris) "...your sunglasses are on your f***ing lap.."
Paris: (to her assistant) "...lol...that's hot."

-Benjamin Carrico

THE JONAS BROTHERS GET WAXED!

The Jonas Brothers have unveiled their wax doppelgangers at Madame Tussauds in Times Square. The impressive wax statues are so lifelike that some female fans could not tell the difference between the real Jonas Brothers that won't have sex and the wax Jonas Brothers that won't have sex.

"I didn't know which Jonas virgin to show my promise ring to, there were six virgins!" says 14 year old super fan Sara Bulger.

Madame Tussauds curator Percy Stevens says that the (wax) Jonas Brothers are welcome at the museum, with a few stipulations. "No singing. These statues can come to life in the middle of the night and murder the wax Bee Gee's for all I care, but if I hear singing of any kind I will have to melt them down."

According to Tussauds, The Wax Jonas Brothers will be on display for one year or until the band hits puberty, witch ever comes first.

-Benjamin Carrico

SUBSCRIBE TO NATIONAL COMEDY RADIO!!

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AMERICAN IDOL EXCLUSIVE!!

PAULA PACKS HEAT!
By Benjamin Wally Carrico

A.I Judge, Paula Abdul had to be physically restrained after brandishing a hand gun and firing a single shot at a contestant tuesday night. Abdul unloaded one round toward 'Idol' wannabe Casey Carlson as she concluded singing her hip hop version of 'Achy Breaky Heart', Carlson was not injured. According to sources, Carlson was the fifth contestant last night to hit the stage with a hip hop version of the Billy Ray Cyrus anthem and the second contestant to be assaulted by Abdul. Idol Contestant Ricky Braddy (who also sang 'Achy Breaky") narrowly escaped injury after Abdul tossed a two liter bottle of Coca-Cola at Braddy's head while screaming "things go better with coke..[expletive]". Abdul has been remanded into the custody of the Hollywood Police Department and is being replaced by rapper T.I.
'Idol' judge and producer, Simon Cowel released a statement simply saying "that's our Paula". American Idol can be sen at it's regularly scheduled time.

MICHAEL JACKSON TO AUCTION MEMORABILIA

CRAZY SHIT FOR SALE
By Benjamin Carrico

The King of Pop is hoping that his financial woes will be eased by auctioning off his beloved collection of....stuff. Jackson will attempt to auction of a lifetime of relics at a gala event titled: MJ's Stuff: A Cornucopia Of Crazy. "I think collectors will be fighting over some of this incredible memorabilia....I mean, who wouldn't want a robot monkey named Mcauley 2 or an oil painting of Michael playing 'chutes & Ladders' with the elephant man's bones?" Says MJ expert, Travis Winthrop. "Me, I have my eye on a bin of used surgical masks".
Although there are sought after pieces in this collection such as Michael's sparkling socks and gloves that he performed the 'moon walk' in, there are other pieces that bewilder possible auction bidders. "I have auctioned off some weird stuff in my day, but this collection of nonsense takes the cake..". Says profesional auctioneer, Herman Mung. Among the stranger items to be auctioned are a pair of pajamas made of chocolate chip cookie dough, an ice cream statue of Corey Feldman and a cache of semi automatic weapons.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX AWARDED 'WORST TALK SHOW GUEST EVER' TROPHY

Film actor and alleged hip hop star, Joaquin Phoenix may not be nominated for an Oscar this awards season but he has won a television award for worst talk show guest ever. Phoenix received the 'Worsty' nomination shortly after his excruciatingly painful-to-watch interview on The Late Show with David Letterman Wednesday night. Phoenix received word that he had won the award ten minutes later. "Phoenix appeared on The Late Show dressed as Nick Nolte from 'Down And Out In Beverly Hills'" Says fellow 'Worsty' award nominee Crispin Glover. "I was a shoe in for that award.....but Joaquin brought a whole new kind of crazy to the talk show scene, man." Late Show host David Letterman says that the Phoenix interview was more painful "than pulling teeth from a coked up monkey". The last 'Worsty' award was handed out in 1957 to Milton Berle for his nude, black face appearance on the Art Linklater show.

National Comedy Radio Presents: Sardonic Radio Episode #1

SARDONIC RADIO Episode #1 In this episode, Benjamin talks celebrity gossip, plays a few audio comedy skits and shows a few video shorts.


In this episode:Zac Efron, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey & Christian Bale. Audio Skits: Lounge Singer, Myth Breakers #1, Christian Bale @ Wendy's. Video: Childhood Memories, I Love LA, 'The Unemployed' trailer

I am a contributing writer for www.datelinehollywood.com. Check out my other articles covering entertainment and celebrity news. Stories are updated daily so keep reading Dateline Hollywood: the internets only source for celebrity and show business news.

Hollywood News: my film debut!

A World At Waste

This is a 'Environmental' film about recycling. Starring me! Directed by Lynn Drzick.

Hollywood News: Chopper fun!

HOLLYWOOD HELICOPTER PILOTS ARE FU#@ING CRAZY!
by Benjamin Wally Carrico

Move over 'Dancing With The Stars' wannabes and reality TV rejects, because the new cool in Hollywood is being an inibriated, middle age helicopter pilot with a passion for aerobatic porn shoots. As if flying a helicopter isn't challenging enough, Pilot David Martz likes to throw in a lot of boobage to make things a little more interesting. Martz, the infamous helicopter pilot of rocker Tommy Lee , recently buzzed a LAPD police chopper and then chugged a vat of vodka shortly after landing "because he was thirsty" and is now the new Larry Flynt of the friendly skies. Martz has recently been photographed getting intimate with a beautiful pair of co-pilots while allegedly soaring high above Southern, California in an apparent episode of "GIRLS GONE FLYING". Although David Martz seems to be an obvious choice for a 'Pilot Of The Month" nomination, He says that he has a lot of work to do do secure his place in aviation history. "just because I have had my pilots license suspended four times for recklessness doesn't' make me a shoe in for a nomination...I have to prove I really want it". Martz went on to say: "I have a few cool stunts planned for early March including a drunken nosedive into The Hollywood bowl.....I'm going to circumcise a baby while in a barrel roll over a crowded supermarket parking lot.....and then I am gonna bring Andy Dick up with me and just see what happens". Martz is currently being investigated by the Federal Aviation Administration for not wearing his seat belt.

TRAVELING LIFE: CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

TRUE TALES OF MY CHILDHOOD

THIS ORIGINALLY AIRED ON THE NOT REALLY RADIO SHOW IN 2008, I ADDED SOME IMAGES TO MAKE IT VISUAL.

Hollywood News: Jessica Simpson

JESSICA SIMPSON: "THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS...LACK OF FASHION SENSE YA'LL"
by Benjamin Wally Carrico
nationalcomedyradio.blogspot.com


It has been an exciting week for Jessica Simpson, since her infamous appearance at a chili cook off in Pembroke Pines, Florida. Simpson, who apparently took the stage dressed as Barbara Bach in a 'Dukes Of Hazzard' TV Reunion special, has lambasted the media for it's coverage of her expanding.....talent. "The media should be ashamed of it's self for focusing on my gigantic butt and the several yards of denim that were covering it.....my boobs are gigantic as well.....and I sing!" In an interesting turn of events, Jessica Simpson's waistline has been expanding as her celebrity has been reduced to paid appearances at food festivals, buffets and eating contests. "Jessica won first prize at a blueberry pie eating contest.....but was disqualified for vomiting on the other contestants, including Comedian Louie Anderson and 'Fatso' star, Dom DeLuise." Said Pembroke Pines resident Archibald Crossly. He went on to say "Once Jessica barfed, Mr. Anderson and Mr. DeLuise up chucked as well, causing a chain reaction that spread to the contest crowd including women, children and fifteen Shriners".
Jessica's Sister, Kareoke star Ashley Simpson, has weighed in on the media blitz by releasing this statement: "The media attention surrounding my sister Jessica's weight problem is disgusting....the media and everyone for that matter, should only pay attention to Jessica when she is thin and beautiful and then ignore her when she bloats up like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. What kind of message are you sending young girls?". Dom DeLuise and Louie Anderson could not be reached for comment.

I love LA

This is an exaggerated skit about several phone calls between myself and my dad, he does not understand why I would want to move to LA. Sure there are earthquakes, wild fires, mudslides, traffic congestion and rape but there is also lots and lots of pollution!




This is a very cheap looking video that a made to 'visualize' and audio skit that i made for the website that i am building content for (nationalcomedyradio.com). The photos are all stock photos and do not represent my experiences in Los Angeles (yet).

Hollywood News: KANYE WEST

KANYE WEST: “…Being God-Like is Humbling...”



Self proclaimed musical superstar Kanye West is now 'humble' according to his website Kanyeislord.com. “Pretending to be humble is the most humbling thing that I have ever had to pretend to be....you know, because being God-like is Humbling...” wrote Kanye in his new blog. He went on to write: “..I don't need to win music awards...I only need to know that I can win music awards...and that I will accept them because I deserve them...because I am the Elvis Presley of our time....from now on, call me Elvis Lennon Hendrix..”
Although Kanye West appears to be working hard at pretending to be humble, sources close to the singer say that he is focusing most of his energy on pretending to be appreciative and worthy, he is also experimenting with buzz cuts and funky fresh sunglasses, said the source.
Kanye West's sunglasses have come under fire from The American Eye Council recently for allegedly not blocking out UV Rays. According to a spokesperson of The AEC “Kanye West's Fashionable eye wear appear to only block out the reality of his own talent and not actual sunlight”. We chose not to reach Kanye West for comment.

Traveling Life: Hollywood News

Joel McHale Quits 'The Soup,' Afflicted with
Green Screen Poisoning


E! Network Main Stay, Joel McHale has unexpectedly walked off his popular show 'The Soup', allegedly suffering from complications of Green Screen Poisoning.
According to an E! Insider, Mr. McHale began to spontaneously weep after interviewing Danielle Fishel of The Style Network. Sources say that McHale began crying uncontrollably and was seen vomiting on a freshly botoxed Chelsey Handler. Joel McHale's PR rep released this statement:
“Joel McHale has been suffering from 'Chroma Key-mitosis', witch wikeopedia describes as a devastating illness linked to the extreme over use of the green or blue screen process.” The Statement goes on to read: “According to a doctor that Mr. McHale Knows, 'Chroma Key-mitosis' or 'Green Screen Poisoning' (as it is called in Canada) can only be treated by placing Joel McHale in a “talk show hosting scenario on one of the three major networks...”.
The E! Network could be reached for comment but I lost interest half way through the phone interview.

CRAZY TOWN by Benjamin Carrico

Los Angeles and it's surrounding satellites are something to behold.  LA is like it's own little world where nothing quite makes sense until you discover that maybe it is you that LA can't make sense of.  

In week one of this journey I was harassed by the Mexican Demon Twins, a nightmarish security duo that was securing the perimeter of a 'Prison Break' location shoot at Tequila Jacks in Long Beach.  Although I was simply standing on the dock, drinking a Coke while waiting for a interview at 'The Yard House' next door, the chupacabra of the security world decided that I was causing trouble by simply keeping to myself while watching the film crew set up a shot.  These big, punk bastards surrounded me like the gestapo, demanded my identification and then escorted me off the property.  Perhaps these two dumb ass immigrant bikers thought that I was a 'paparazzi' trying to photograph an awful television show being made for a pictorial in "The Worst Show On Television Magazine" or, maybe I just looked like I could be fucked with.

I always seem to look out of place in Los Angeles.  When I am on Melrose, pedestrians shoot glares at me like they somehow know that I haven't been 'trendy' since I wore a pair of pink Converse All-Stars during my senior year of High School and subsequently gained the affection of at least a few closeted freshman.  While Strolling Robertson Boulevard I am treated like one of the Clampetts in the pilot episode of 'The Beverly Hillbilly's' and at Venice Beach I feel like a young Republican at a satanic cult ritual.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I love the cornucopia of crazies at Venice Beach, especially at sunset when everyone acts like the world is going to end. Yet, there is something quite spooky to me when two-hundred drug- addled homeless teenagers are convulsing around  a drum circle at 5 in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

Sure, you can call me lame but I like the history of this City of broken dreams.  I like to the amazing architecture of days gone by, I can often be seen staring up in awe at some abandoned building on skid row because in my mind I can see how this city must have looked during the boom.  There are a million treasures to be found in this town and I plan to find them all.

 

For now, the closest thing that I have found to time travel is sitting in a place like Cole's Electric Pacific Restaurant in downtown LA and striking up a conversation with an old man that rambles about trains for an hour.  Sure the conversation may get redundant but the french dip sandwiches are delicious.

Traveling Life: Hollywood Part 1

Moving to Hollywood, CA has always been a dream of mine since I was a small child.  Of course, the Hollywood of my dreams doesn't really exist, nor has it ever existed according to Locals.  But I moved here anyway to find out for myself weather or not there might be a happy medium tucked between the fantasy tinsel town that lives in black and white studio films and the depressing mess that reality has created in this sprawling cluster fudge.

Once you sit through a few hypnosis sessions with a questionable "professional" to rid yourself of the stress and anxiety that comes with living in a earthquake prone, wild fire free for all, one can really enjoy the sun shine if you can see it through the smog and tear gas.  Of course this is a short list of all the negative aspects of Los Angeles, I wouldn't feel right to leave out the awful Jackson Pollack-ish freeway system, the homeless problem, and zombies.  For the love of God...THE ZOMBIES!

 Then there are the coked out, high-on-there-own-hype celebrities that  grease the gears of this evil machine that destroys everything in it's path.  Hollywood has traded Clark Gable for Paris Hilton and has buried anyone that resembles a role model up to there necks in sand at high tide.  Of course there are still positive influences in Hollywood, one can only feel good about the world when Ed Begley Jr. plows through a crowd of celebrispawn and CW shit heads outside of the Ivy with his electric car.  Ed Begley Jr. has NOT committed electric vehicular homicide but I am sure he dreams about it, well....I dream about it at least.

I am told that Hollywood is going green.  I would love to believe this story, but I happen to use public transportation in Los Angeles and the only actors that slum it on the metro are buskers and heroin addicts.  Riding the rails in LA resembles traveling down a mine shaft on a coal cart with a hundred other people plagued with the same realization that I have come to embrace.  Poor immigrants and down-on-their-luck-ers use mass transit out of necessity not choice while the rich and famous trade out their incandescent bulbs for compact fluorescents on their private jets so that they can be photographed with Al Gore for the Earth Day spread in Douche bag magazine.

Of course, I could be wrong.  After all, I have only lived here for a month.