'The Rest of The Story' Has Been Told: Broadcast Legend Paul Harvey Has Died

My absolute favorite broadcaster of all time has died. Although automation had eradicated most of the magical voices that were once broadcast across the AM and FM bands throughout this country of ours, Paul Harvey somehow weathered the storm, with nothing more than actual talent. Now, he has bid all of his fans 'good day'.
'The Rest of The Story' has been a huge influence in my life. I have been late to work several times because I was circling the block, listening to Paul Harvey. I was never fired because of my radio listening habits but there were times that I would have given up my job to hear the....rest...of...the story.

CBS COLUMBIA SQUARE /Art Linkletter: Kids Say The Darndest Things

I was attending a film screening at Sunset Gower Studios (formerly Columbia) the other day and I wandered over to the old KNX Columbia Square building. KNX was a beautiful studio in it's day, it's halls were filled with the sounds of broadcasting history from Jack Benny to Edgar Bergen & Charlie Mccarthy, to Red Skelton and Bob Hope. The pilot episode of 'I Love Lucy' was filmed here, right here on the very spot of the first movie studio in Hollywood, Nestor Studios. Across the street is the Gower Gulch, an early hollywood hangout for cowboys where the term 'drugstore cowboy' was coined. Now I stand here on the very spot of the birth place of motion pictures, next to the streamlined neon of the Palladium theater in the now frighteningly dark streets of Sunset Boulevard where I stare up at the dingy, shuttered remains of what was once called the Taj Mahal of Hollywood, CBS Columbia Square. Charlie Chaplin filmed some of his first silent movies on this corner and James Dean was an usher here. And now, in 2009 as i stand here, a homeless man is pushing a shopping cart down the street screaming "VAGINA" in his native vernacular. What the fuck happened to this country?
Art Linklater broadcast his radio and television show 'G.E. House Party' from Columbia Square and had a hilarious segment called 'kids says the darndest things', my grandfather was one of his assistants on the radio program. Here is a brief clip.


Kids Say the Darndest Things - ART LINKLETTER - The funniest videos are a click away

NATIONAL COMEDY RADIO: FEATURED AUDIO COMEDY

TWAT FINANCIAL/FAMILY SEX TOY COMPANY

An honest Bank loan commercial....with a twist....plus my investigative report of a family owned sex toy company in the style of retro NPR. This is radio sketch comedy at it's finest! You won't hear this on your radio!
Written and Produced By Benjamin 'Wally' Carrico copyright 2008

Nicky And Paris Hilton (yawn) Enjoy Fashion Week

Nicky and Paris Hilton took full advantage of their front row seats at the Pamella Rowland fall 2009 runway show on Tuesday. The Hilton sisters displayed respect and interest for New York fashion by playing “Sonic The Hedgehog” and “Brickles” on their iPhones during Rowland's clothing presentation.

During most of the show, the Hiltons were actually texting one another. Says one onlooker, "It is well know that Paris and Nicky never speak to one another directly. Paris texts her assistant who in turn texts Nicky's assistant who then texts Nicky. Short, meaningless conversations can take hours."

Here is a transcript of the fashion show text:

Paris: (to her assistant) "Lost my sunglasses..."
Paris’ Assistant: (to Nicky’s assistant) "Paris lost her sunglasses."
Nicky: (to her assistant) "...on her lap."
Nicky’s Assistant: (to Paris’ assistant) .."sunglasses on Paris' lap.."
Paris’ Assistant: (to Paris) "...your sunglasses are on your f***ing lap.."
Paris: (to her assistant) "...lol...that's hot."

-Benjamin Carrico

THE JONAS BROTHERS GET WAXED!

The Jonas Brothers have unveiled their wax doppelgangers at Madame Tussauds in Times Square. The impressive wax statues are so lifelike that some female fans could not tell the difference between the real Jonas Brothers that won't have sex and the wax Jonas Brothers that won't have sex.

"I didn't know which Jonas virgin to show my promise ring to, there were six virgins!" says 14 year old super fan Sara Bulger.

Madame Tussauds curator Percy Stevens says that the (wax) Jonas Brothers are welcome at the museum, with a few stipulations. "No singing. These statues can come to life in the middle of the night and murder the wax Bee Gee's for all I care, but if I hear singing of any kind I will have to melt them down."

According to Tussauds, The Wax Jonas Brothers will be on display for one year or until the band hits puberty, witch ever comes first.

-Benjamin Carrico

SUBSCRIBE TO NATIONAL COMEDY RADIO!!

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AMERICAN IDOL EXCLUSIVE!!

PAULA PACKS HEAT!
By Benjamin Wally Carrico

A.I Judge, Paula Abdul had to be physically restrained after brandishing a hand gun and firing a single shot at a contestant tuesday night. Abdul unloaded one round toward 'Idol' wannabe Casey Carlson as she concluded singing her hip hop version of 'Achy Breaky Heart', Carlson was not injured. According to sources, Carlson was the fifth contestant last night to hit the stage with a hip hop version of the Billy Ray Cyrus anthem and the second contestant to be assaulted by Abdul. Idol Contestant Ricky Braddy (who also sang 'Achy Breaky") narrowly escaped injury after Abdul tossed a two liter bottle of Coca-Cola at Braddy's head while screaming "things go better with coke..[expletive]". Abdul has been remanded into the custody of the Hollywood Police Department and is being replaced by rapper T.I.
'Idol' judge and producer, Simon Cowel released a statement simply saying "that's our Paula". American Idol can be sen at it's regularly scheduled time.

MICHAEL JACKSON TO AUCTION MEMORABILIA

CRAZY SHIT FOR SALE
By Benjamin Carrico

The King of Pop is hoping that his financial woes will be eased by auctioning off his beloved collection of....stuff. Jackson will attempt to auction of a lifetime of relics at a gala event titled: MJ's Stuff: A Cornucopia Of Crazy. "I think collectors will be fighting over some of this incredible memorabilia....I mean, who wouldn't want a robot monkey named Mcauley 2 or an oil painting of Michael playing 'chutes & Ladders' with the elephant man's bones?" Says MJ expert, Travis Winthrop. "Me, I have my eye on a bin of used surgical masks".
Although there are sought after pieces in this collection such as Michael's sparkling socks and gloves that he performed the 'moon walk' in, there are other pieces that bewilder possible auction bidders. "I have auctioned off some weird stuff in my day, but this collection of nonsense takes the cake..". Says profesional auctioneer, Herman Mung. Among the stranger items to be auctioned are a pair of pajamas made of chocolate chip cookie dough, an ice cream statue of Corey Feldman and a cache of semi automatic weapons.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX AWARDED 'WORST TALK SHOW GUEST EVER' TROPHY

Film actor and alleged hip hop star, Joaquin Phoenix may not be nominated for an Oscar this awards season but he has won a television award for worst talk show guest ever. Phoenix received the 'Worsty' nomination shortly after his excruciatingly painful-to-watch interview on The Late Show with David Letterman Wednesday night. Phoenix received word that he had won the award ten minutes later. "Phoenix appeared on The Late Show dressed as Nick Nolte from 'Down And Out In Beverly Hills'" Says fellow 'Worsty' award nominee Crispin Glover. "I was a shoe in for that award.....but Joaquin brought a whole new kind of crazy to the talk show scene, man." Late Show host David Letterman says that the Phoenix interview was more painful "than pulling teeth from a coked up monkey". The last 'Worsty' award was handed out in 1957 to Milton Berle for his nude, black face appearance on the Art Linklater show.

National Comedy Radio Presents: Sardonic Radio Episode #1

SARDONIC RADIO Episode #1 In this episode, Benjamin talks celebrity gossip, plays a few audio comedy skits and shows a few video shorts.


In this episode:Zac Efron, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey & Christian Bale. Audio Skits: Lounge Singer, Myth Breakers #1, Christian Bale @ Wendy's. Video: Childhood Memories, I Love LA, 'The Unemployed' trailer

I am a contributing writer for www.datelinehollywood.com. Check out my other articles covering entertainment and celebrity news. Stories are updated daily so keep reading Dateline Hollywood: the internets only source for celebrity and show business news.

Hollywood News: my film debut!

A World At Waste

This is a 'Environmental' film about recycling. Starring me! Directed by Lynn Drzick.

Hollywood News: Chopper fun!

HOLLYWOOD HELICOPTER PILOTS ARE FU#@ING CRAZY!
by Benjamin Wally Carrico

Move over 'Dancing With The Stars' wannabes and reality TV rejects, because the new cool in Hollywood is being an inibriated, middle age helicopter pilot with a passion for aerobatic porn shoots. As if flying a helicopter isn't challenging enough, Pilot David Martz likes to throw in a lot of boobage to make things a little more interesting. Martz, the infamous helicopter pilot of rocker Tommy Lee , recently buzzed a LAPD police chopper and then chugged a vat of vodka shortly after landing "because he was thirsty" and is now the new Larry Flynt of the friendly skies. Martz has recently been photographed getting intimate with a beautiful pair of co-pilots while allegedly soaring high above Southern, California in an apparent episode of "GIRLS GONE FLYING". Although David Martz seems to be an obvious choice for a 'Pilot Of The Month" nomination, He says that he has a lot of work to do do secure his place in aviation history. "just because I have had my pilots license suspended four times for recklessness doesn't' make me a shoe in for a nomination...I have to prove I really want it". Martz went on to say: "I have a few cool stunts planned for early March including a drunken nosedive into The Hollywood bowl.....I'm going to circumcise a baby while in a barrel roll over a crowded supermarket parking lot.....and then I am gonna bring Andy Dick up with me and just see what happens". Martz is currently being investigated by the Federal Aviation Administration for not wearing his seat belt.

TRAVELING LIFE: CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

TRUE TALES OF MY CHILDHOOD

THIS ORIGINALLY AIRED ON THE NOT REALLY RADIO SHOW IN 2008, I ADDED SOME IMAGES TO MAKE IT VISUAL.

Hollywood News: Jessica Simpson

JESSICA SIMPSON: "THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS...LACK OF FASHION SENSE YA'LL"
by Benjamin Wally Carrico
nationalcomedyradio.blogspot.com


It has been an exciting week for Jessica Simpson, since her infamous appearance at a chili cook off in Pembroke Pines, Florida. Simpson, who apparently took the stage dressed as Barbara Bach in a 'Dukes Of Hazzard' TV Reunion special, has lambasted the media for it's coverage of her expanding.....talent. "The media should be ashamed of it's self for focusing on my gigantic butt and the several yards of denim that were covering it.....my boobs are gigantic as well.....and I sing!" In an interesting turn of events, Jessica Simpson's waistline has been expanding as her celebrity has been reduced to paid appearances at food festivals, buffets and eating contests. "Jessica won first prize at a blueberry pie eating contest.....but was disqualified for vomiting on the other contestants, including Comedian Louie Anderson and 'Fatso' star, Dom DeLuise." Said Pembroke Pines resident Archibald Crossly. He went on to say "Once Jessica barfed, Mr. Anderson and Mr. DeLuise up chucked as well, causing a chain reaction that spread to the contest crowd including women, children and fifteen Shriners".
Jessica's Sister, Kareoke star Ashley Simpson, has weighed in on the media blitz by releasing this statement: "The media attention surrounding my sister Jessica's weight problem is disgusting....the media and everyone for that matter, should only pay attention to Jessica when she is thin and beautiful and then ignore her when she bloats up like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. What kind of message are you sending young girls?". Dom DeLuise and Louie Anderson could not be reached for comment.