Travel CRAIC: Ireland Part ONE

My new comedy travel series, 'Travel CRAIC' takes you to Ireland, Scotland and England.  We drink, get lost and get into mischief!  Check out all the episodes and see if we survived the five week Pub Crawl.

DRUNK THOUGHTS

"....I didn't remember ordering that last beer, but I drank it anyway. I also don't remember paying my tab...apparently I didn't, according to the angry man on my front lawn dressed in a squirrel costume. As angry as he was, he still sang me 'happy birthday' to me. I guess I can never go back to that Chuck-E-Cheese in Ohio, even though the squirrel signed me up for a ' frequent Chuck-E-Card'..."

Excerpt from 'The Truth About Cats & Dogs & Other Shit..." From NATIONAL COMEDY: Volume One

"...So I was tied up in the back of this minivan and blindfolded, covered in sparkly lipstick and forced to repeatedly listen to the book-on-tape of 'The Cat In The Hat'', read by what sounded like a retarded, Spanish speaking Gilbert Gottfried.  For most people, the sound of Gilbert Gottfrieds voice is an awful, awful torture that is only used for celebrity roasts and guantanamo terrorist interrogations.  Without being rude or mean....umm...his voice is the opposite of soothing and comforting. If you can imagine the sound of a dozen alley cats having angry sex in a dumpster filled with broken didgeridoos and cheaply made afghani kazoos that emit the howling screeches of Jewish clowns forced to do the 'human centipede' in the basement of a Long John Silvers in Bangkok.....that is the best description of the unpleasantness I feel when I hear Gilbert Gottfrieds voice....in Spanish....."

-Benjamin Carrico

MY WONDERFUL NEIGHBORHOOD

This is my neighborhood, this is where I live.  I can tolerate a lot of things...when my bathroom plumbing began pumping raw sewage into my bubble bath I said; "well...it's an old building...these things happen....".  When a meth lab exploded across the street and my neighborhood turned into a scene from 'outbreak', I said "hhmmmm....never would have guessed anyone was cooking up drugs in at cute little bungalow!"  But, when people light Christmas trees on fire for fun...outside my window...I say "NO!  Hell no!  This is my hood and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"

COMEDIAN ANGELO BOWERS KILLED BY DRUNK DRIVER

A few years ago I saw an amateur comedian in North Hollywood, he had the funniest, most interesting act I had ever seen. I left the club without knowing his name but I had recorded 43 seconds of his act. I posted the video on youtube and soon found out that his name was Angelo Bowers, a rising amateur comedian in LA. Sadly, through comments posted on my video, Angelo was killed by a drunk driver. Comedian Josh Adam Meyer was also in the car and is in critical condition. According to laughspin.com and other sources, Angelo did not have a facebook page or a twitter account and my short video was one of the only video clips of him. "Bowers didn’t have a Facebook profile or a Twitter account. And it seems the only video of him doing stand-up was a less-than-one-minute clip posted on YouTube simply because the comedy goer who shot it, was trying to figure out what his name was– because he liked his set so much"-Dylan P. Gadino laughspin.com. I have to say, I have never been affected by a 5 minute comedy set like I have been by his, it has stayed in my mind for almost 3 years. I loved it, his act inspired me in so many ways. R.I.P. Angelo, your comedy changed me forever.
-Benjamin W. Carrico National Comedy Radio

see full laughspin.com article at the link below
/http://www.laughspin.com/2012/01/03/comedian-angelo-bowers-killed-by-drunk-driver/

Scottish Fest: Long Beach, California

My quick video of the Scottish Festival in Long Beach, California @ the Queen Mary. Stay tuned after the video for a cover of Metallica's "nothing else matters"

performed on a dulcimer!!

Catalina Golf Cart Tour 2010

Drunk Man Fail

I filmed this from my balcony....a drunk....possibly dead man laying on the street. Who will help this man? Well, I COULDN't because

I HAD to film it! Wait till near the end when the guy does a double face plant while trying to pick up his bike! Enjoy!

-Benjamin Wally

Abe Lincoln: A Day In MY Life

This is a short student film where I play Abrahm Lincoln. This IS historically accurate! Did you know that Honest Abe LOVED peanut butter and jelly sandwiches AND liked to jog? It's true...according to me.

8th annual TV LAND AWARDS on the red carpet with Benjamin Wally

I recently attended the 8th Annual TV LAND AWARDS at Sony pictures studios as a spectator and ended up being asked to be a seat filler! It was a blast! First of all....we were all sat at an empty seat and instructed NOT to drink any of the water or wine that was on the table OR eat the Wolfgang Pucks plate of shitty appetizers. That part sucked because after sitting for hours on the red carpet in the sun, we were ALL dehydrated...but i guess that is the price we pay to be able to sit next to 'Timmy' from Lassie AND witness Tim Allen bomb on stage.

Speaking of bombs, David Hasslehoff sang 'Don't Stop Believing' and I have to say that i HAVE stopped believing that German's have taste in pop stars. The evening was incredible, not only did i get to sit five feet away from Billy Crystal as he introduces Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner to the stage but i got to be in the from row to see 'Blondie' perform! Later on...after the cast of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' went on stage to accept an award I was a seat filler at there table! I sat in Doris Roberts' seat and was able to briefly (very briefly) converse with her. The one down side to the evening (other than knight rider singing) was that Jay Leno was there to present an award to someone with talent. As you may or may know I HATE Jay Leno and think that his so-called 'Tonight Show' is an funny, dumbed down version of 'The Lawrence Welk Show'...but for retards not old people. Anyway, The TV LAND AWARDS was an awesome experience and I hope you all watch for me!

I received a 'pre-approved' credit card application in the mail today...and ....um.....is this even legal? Should I thank Obama for the new credit card legislation? Is this a typo? Isn't this loan sharking? Needless to say I NEED THIS CREDIT CARD!!!!! Hell with a credit limit of $300 with 59.9% i would be stupid not to sign!

THE GREATEST BIKE IN THE WORLD!

I found the Holy Grail! No it was NOT in the basement of the Alamo after all! The Bike from 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure' can be found on the top floor of the Hollywood Historical Museum (The Historic Max Factor Building) In Hollywood, California! Although the museum DOES have a strict policy of no photography (an 8o year old lady at the museum ticket table will ask you if you have a camera) I decided to violate International law anyway. The prospect of imprisonment at Guantanamo is worth the risk for this grainy cell phone photo!

'The Pee-Wee Herman Show' Question and Answer session @ Club Nokia

Paul Reubens/ Pee-Wee Herman Was nice enough to offer original ticket holders to "The Pee-Wee Herman Show" (originally booked at The Music Box Theater in LA and later moved to Club Nokia) to experience a question and answer session with our beloved man child. This is just a taste of what transpired. Paul talks about his cheech and chong connection, his (possible) NEW MOVIE, Doris Duke and large marge. Enjoy.

National Comedy Radio TELEVISION Promo

copyright 2010 Benjamin Carrico

The Future of Airline Travel

The Life And Death of Ernie Magernie

Life And Death of Ernie Magernie - watch more funny videos

copyright 2009 national comedy radio

livestream.com/nationalcomedyradio

Been busy working on a new Live/looped TV channel at livestream.com/nationalcomedyradio. I've been a busy bee creating new content/logos/audio and trying to figure out how to do the live show with callers. As always, I am experiencing tech difficulties with my internet connection AND the streaming capabilities of my video camera. But it is up and running at the link above! -Ben

I WON OMAHA STEAK ON GSN'S 'BIG SATURDAY NIGHT'!

I recently attended a LIVE taping of The Game Show Networks summer extravaganza titled 'Big Saturday Night'! It was a blast (although not as LIVE as you would think) though unfortunately 'our' team lost EVERY competition the audience still walked away with free Omaha Steaks! That's right, free filet mignon! Also, we were blessed to witness the early stages of the comeback of the 1990's super group Boys 2 Men!

I'll will admit that I was never really a fan of the trio but they do have amazing voices AND can pull off a comedy sketch as well as the Three Stooges ever could. It's not everyday that you can be on LIVE TV and walk away with fun and prizes! Wait...I live in Hollywood...I CAN do this everyday! I now know what I want to do with my life, I want to be a professional game show audience member! Thank you Game Show Network!

Happy 4th! Don't blow your nuts off!

Hey kids! Benjamin Wally here wishing you a happy 4th of July! Of course, i could give a rats ass about how your 3rd of July went or how your 5th of July will be! I will be most likely drinking cheap beer and screaming at my shitty internet connection before heading down to The Queen Mary here in Long Beach, California to enjoy a wonderful fireworks display over the stagnate Rainbow Harbor. Currently I am nursing a hangover that my offspring are sure to inherit, while i anxiously awaited an email from The Michael Jackson Memorial at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. That's right, I applied for a ticket to go to the memorial one minute after they were made available to the public! Wish me luck! Well, I have to crap now and then perform a biopsy of my stool. Remember, the founding fathers probably wouldn't like you very much.

National Comedy Radio on blogtalkradio.com

This is my new LIVE show @ blogtalkradio.com. The first show had some big tech issues but it was just a 'tech run' anyway. I hope to be doing an hour show every Saturday night! You should all call in!

Zac Efron

Zac Efron to delve into the unchartered 'body swap' movie genre
"High School Musical" heartthrob Zac Efron will star in the upcoming film "17 Again" with "Friends" star Mathew Perry. The film is about a guy (Perry) who gets to turn back time and be seventeen again (Efron) rewriting his life in the process. Hollywood insiders say this was Zac Efron's most challenging role.
"This film genre is unchartered territory. There are no previous films to be found anywhere -- not even on VHS or BETA -- that tackles this new body swap plot premise," says "17 Again" writer Barbara Hall. "I woke up one morning with a brilliant idea about the complications that could arise if a grown adult suddenly turns into a teenager, and I thought to myself, I am freakin' brillant."
Efron must portray a seventeen year old who is actually an adult trapped in a teenagers body, all while being extremely good looking.
"Zach Efron's performance is a tour de force," says movie critic Barry Longton. "Efron somehow caputures the essence of a seventeen year old flawlessly. Bravo Zac, bravo!"
-Benjamin Wally Carrico

Obama Jam: The Music Video!

By Benjamin Wally Carrico

This is the Obama Jam music video! I used an Obama soundboard to record this top 40 hit set to a sweet, sweet melody! If you like hope, change, socialism and illegal money laundering via bailouts then you will love this popular music video! Brought to you by AIG, The ACME Wiretapping company and The makers of Cancer!

Conan O'brien Was An early Female Settler In Nebraska

By Benjamin Wally Carrico

While traveling through Nebraska in the middle of the night on my way to Los Angeles via Salt Lake City, my girlfriend and I stopped at a rest area due to the fact that my diet was consisting of only Red Bull energy drinks and whatever cheaper version of the energy drink that I could afford (usually named 'Lighting' or 'Rojo Torro'). As I was entering the rest area I walked past a 'History of Nebraska' display that featured a diorama of what the life of early settlers in Nebraska was like.
Apparently, Early Nebraskan settlers were Identical to Late Night talk Show host and future 'Tonight Show' host Conan Obrien! The resemblance is astonishing!



EARLY FEMALE SETTLER (CONAN OBRIEN) APPEARING UPSET THAT HE (SHE) IS AN EARLY FEMALE SETTLER OF NEBRASKA. I HOPE SHE LIKES CORN!



CONAN HOLDING EMACIATED, PERHAPS EXPIRED NEBRASKAN SETTLER BABY AS SMALL CHILD STARES AT THE FLOOR WONDERING WHY HE HAS TO LIVE WITH CONAN O'BRIEN IN NEBRASKA.

I DO IT ALL WITH A SMILE

TODAY'S FEATURED AUDIO COMEDY:

"I DO IT ALL WITH A SMILE" Is a song about 'hope' and 'change'. Just kidding, this is a short song by ME about staying positive while examining a short list of all the negative things that life and aging can bring!

Tyra Banks: "I'm Jealous Of Oprah". Oprah: "No Shit!"

By Benjamin Wally Carrico


When ex-model and alleged talk show host, Tyra Banks is not courageously fighting her phobia of Flipper she likes to talk about herself a lot, pretend to be the protege of Oprah Winfrey and submit herself to 'embarrasing' lie detector tests.
On a recent episode of her show, Tyra was hooked up to a lie detector machine and asked a series of questions that Tyra had chosen herself including the question "are you jealous of Oprah?". Tyra enthisiastically anwered "No, I am not jealous of Oprah!" Of course, Tyra failed the lie detector test witch came to the surprise of....er....no one! It is common knowledge in Hollwood that Tyra believes that she will be Oprah Winfrey's replacement when Oprah moves to her moon base/colony in the fall of 2012 but the Oprah camp denies these rumors. Tyra is allegedly jealous of everything about Oprah including Oprah's money, Oprah's house and Oprah's buttocks celulite.
Oprah says that she doesn't know anyone named Tyra .

Octomom Snags New House To The Delight Of Old Neighbors, To The Horror Of New Neighbors

By Benjamin Wally Carrico



Famous pregnancy addict and Angelina Jolie look-a-like contest winner, Octomom has bought a new house in Los Angeles to the exuberant delight of her old neighbors. Octomom, AKA Nadya Suleman will be moving into a home in the La Habrah neighborhood of LA, next door to several homes that instantly lost 50% of their value since the purchase was fianlized. Although her new neighbors have already begun to cry uncontrolably, her OLD neighbors have been seen throwing wild block parties and dancing in the streets until dawn. One of her old neighbors, Jack Mcmanus says that the news of the move is the best thing that has ever happened to him. "I prayed to God for this moment...many times....many, many times". Another Old Neighbor, Sally Burnside, says that the news of Octomom's move has been a blessing "My home's value has tripled, the grass is growing again, our pet poodle no longer runs around in cirlcles and my premature menopause has reversed itself...a blessing".
While her old neighbors are doing back flips and regaining their libidos, her new neighbors seem to be fastly sinking into depression. "We are all going to kill oursleves..." Says new neighbor, Bob Mung. "The entire street has made a suicide pact....the thought of suicide by any means neccesary is the only answer...the thought of living next to...that....woman...is too much for us, it's just too damn much".
Octomoms Father alegedly purchased the house for his daughter.

'The Rest of The Story' Has Been Told: Broadcast Legend Paul Harvey Has Died

My absolute favorite broadcaster of all time has died. Although automation had eradicated most of the magical voices that were once broadcast across the AM and FM bands throughout this country of ours, Paul Harvey somehow weathered the storm, with nothing more than actual talent. Now, he has bid all of his fans 'good day'.
'The Rest of The Story' has been a huge influence in my life. I have been late to work several times because I was circling the block, listening to Paul Harvey. I was never fired because of my radio listening habits but there were times that I would have given up my job to hear the....rest...of...the story.

CBS COLUMBIA SQUARE /Art Linkletter: Kids Say The Darndest Things

I was attending a film screening at Sunset Gower Studios (formerly Columbia) the other day and I wandered over to the old KNX Columbia Square building. KNX was a beautiful studio in it's day, it's halls were filled with the sounds of broadcasting history from Jack Benny to Edgar Bergen & Charlie Mccarthy, to Red Skelton and Bob Hope. The pilot episode of 'I Love Lucy' was filmed here, right here on the very spot of the first movie studio in Hollywood, Nestor Studios. Across the street is the Gower Gulch, an early hollywood hangout for cowboys where the term 'drugstore cowboy' was coined. Now I stand here on the very spot of the birth place of motion pictures, next to the streamlined neon of the Palladium theater in the now frighteningly dark streets of Sunset Boulevard where I stare up at the dingy, shuttered remains of what was once called the Taj Mahal of Hollywood, CBS Columbia Square. Charlie Chaplin filmed some of his first silent movies on this corner and James Dean was an usher here. And now, in 2009 as i stand here, a homeless man is pushing a shopping cart down the street screaming "VAGINA" in his native vernacular. What the fuck happened to this country?
Art Linklater broadcast his radio and television show 'G.E. House Party' from Columbia Square and had a hilarious segment called 'kids says the darndest things', my grandfather was one of his assistants on the radio program. Here is a brief clip.


Kids Say the Darndest Things - ART LINKLETTER - The funniest videos are a click away

NATIONAL COMEDY RADIO: FEATURED AUDIO COMEDY

TWAT FINANCIAL/FAMILY SEX TOY COMPANY

An honest Bank loan commercial....with a twist....plus my investigative report of a family owned sex toy company in the style of retro NPR. This is radio sketch comedy at it's finest! You won't hear this on your radio!
Written and Produced By Benjamin 'Wally' Carrico copyright 2008

Nicky And Paris Hilton (yawn) Enjoy Fashion Week

Nicky and Paris Hilton took full advantage of their front row seats at the Pamella Rowland fall 2009 runway show on Tuesday. The Hilton sisters displayed respect and interest for New York fashion by playing “Sonic The Hedgehog” and “Brickles” on their iPhones during Rowland's clothing presentation.

During most of the show, the Hiltons were actually texting one another. Says one onlooker, "It is well know that Paris and Nicky never speak to one another directly. Paris texts her assistant who in turn texts Nicky's assistant who then texts Nicky. Short, meaningless conversations can take hours."

Here is a transcript of the fashion show text:

Paris: (to her assistant) "Lost my sunglasses..."
Paris’ Assistant: (to Nicky’s assistant) "Paris lost her sunglasses."
Nicky: (to her assistant) "...on her lap."
Nicky’s Assistant: (to Paris’ assistant) .."sunglasses on Paris' lap.."
Paris’ Assistant: (to Paris) "...your sunglasses are on your f***ing lap.."
Paris: (to her assistant) "...lol...that's hot."

-Benjamin Carrico

THE JONAS BROTHERS GET WAXED!

The Jonas Brothers have unveiled their wax doppelgangers at Madame Tussauds in Times Square. The impressive wax statues are so lifelike that some female fans could not tell the difference between the real Jonas Brothers that won't have sex and the wax Jonas Brothers that won't have sex.

"I didn't know which Jonas virgin to show my promise ring to, there were six virgins!" says 14 year old super fan Sara Bulger.

Madame Tussauds curator Percy Stevens says that the (wax) Jonas Brothers are welcome at the museum, with a few stipulations. "No singing. These statues can come to life in the middle of the night and murder the wax Bee Gee's for all I care, but if I hear singing of any kind I will have to melt them down."

According to Tussauds, The Wax Jonas Brothers will be on display for one year or until the band hits puberty, witch ever comes first.

-Benjamin Carrico

SUBSCRIBE TO NATIONAL COMEDY RADIO!!

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AMERICAN IDOL EXCLUSIVE!!

PAULA PACKS HEAT!
By Benjamin Wally Carrico

A.I Judge, Paula Abdul had to be physically restrained after brandishing a hand gun and firing a single shot at a contestant tuesday night. Abdul unloaded one round toward 'Idol' wannabe Casey Carlson as she concluded singing her hip hop version of 'Achy Breaky Heart', Carlson was not injured. According to sources, Carlson was the fifth contestant last night to hit the stage with a hip hop version of the Billy Ray Cyrus anthem and the second contestant to be assaulted by Abdul. Idol Contestant Ricky Braddy (who also sang 'Achy Breaky") narrowly escaped injury after Abdul tossed a two liter bottle of Coca-Cola at Braddy's head while screaming "things go better with coke..[expletive]". Abdul has been remanded into the custody of the Hollywood Police Department and is being replaced by rapper T.I.
'Idol' judge and producer, Simon Cowel released a statement simply saying "that's our Paula". American Idol can be sen at it's regularly scheduled time.

MICHAEL JACKSON TO AUCTION MEMORABILIA

CRAZY SHIT FOR SALE
By Benjamin Carrico

The King of Pop is hoping that his financial woes will be eased by auctioning off his beloved collection of....stuff. Jackson will attempt to auction of a lifetime of relics at a gala event titled: MJ's Stuff: A Cornucopia Of Crazy. "I think collectors will be fighting over some of this incredible memorabilia....I mean, who wouldn't want a robot monkey named Mcauley 2 or an oil painting of Michael playing 'chutes & Ladders' with the elephant man's bones?" Says MJ expert, Travis Winthrop. "Me, I have my eye on a bin of used surgical masks".
Although there are sought after pieces in this collection such as Michael's sparkling socks and gloves that he performed the 'moon walk' in, there are other pieces that bewilder possible auction bidders. "I have auctioned off some weird stuff in my day, but this collection of nonsense takes the cake..". Says profesional auctioneer, Herman Mung. Among the stranger items to be auctioned are a pair of pajamas made of chocolate chip cookie dough, an ice cream statue of Corey Feldman and a cache of semi automatic weapons.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX AWARDED 'WORST TALK SHOW GUEST EVER' TROPHY

Film actor and alleged hip hop star, Joaquin Phoenix may not be nominated for an Oscar this awards season but he has won a television award for worst talk show guest ever. Phoenix received the 'Worsty' nomination shortly after his excruciatingly painful-to-watch interview on The Late Show with David Letterman Wednesday night. Phoenix received word that he had won the award ten minutes later. "Phoenix appeared on The Late Show dressed as Nick Nolte from 'Down And Out In Beverly Hills'" Says fellow 'Worsty' award nominee Crispin Glover. "I was a shoe in for that award.....but Joaquin brought a whole new kind of crazy to the talk show scene, man." Late Show host David Letterman says that the Phoenix interview was more painful "than pulling teeth from a coked up monkey". The last 'Worsty' award was handed out in 1957 to Milton Berle for his nude, black face appearance on the Art Linklater show.

National Comedy Radio Presents: Sardonic Radio Episode #1

SARDONIC RADIO Episode #1 In this episode, Benjamin talks celebrity gossip, plays a few audio comedy skits and shows a few video shorts.


In this episode:Zac Efron, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey & Christian Bale. Audio Skits: Lounge Singer, Myth Breakers #1, Christian Bale @ Wendy's. Video: Childhood Memories, I Love LA, 'The Unemployed' trailer

I am a contributing writer for www.datelinehollywood.com. Check out my other articles covering entertainment and celebrity news. Stories are updated daily so keep reading Dateline Hollywood: the internets only source for celebrity and show business news.

Hollywood News: my film debut!

A World At Waste

This is a 'Environmental' film about recycling. Starring me! Directed by Lynn Drzick.

Hollywood News: Chopper fun!

HOLLYWOOD HELICOPTER PILOTS ARE FU#@ING CRAZY!
by Benjamin Wally Carrico

Move over 'Dancing With The Stars' wannabes and reality TV rejects, because the new cool in Hollywood is being an inibriated, middle age helicopter pilot with a passion for aerobatic porn shoots. As if flying a helicopter isn't challenging enough, Pilot David Martz likes to throw in a lot of boobage to make things a little more interesting. Martz, the infamous helicopter pilot of rocker Tommy Lee , recently buzzed a LAPD police chopper and then chugged a vat of vodka shortly after landing "because he was thirsty" and is now the new Larry Flynt of the friendly skies. Martz has recently been photographed getting intimate with a beautiful pair of co-pilots while allegedly soaring high above Southern, California in an apparent episode of "GIRLS GONE FLYING". Although David Martz seems to be an obvious choice for a 'Pilot Of The Month" nomination, He says that he has a lot of work to do do secure his place in aviation history. "just because I have had my pilots license suspended four times for recklessness doesn't' make me a shoe in for a nomination...I have to prove I really want it". Martz went on to say: "I have a few cool stunts planned for early March including a drunken nosedive into The Hollywood bowl.....I'm going to circumcise a baby while in a barrel roll over a crowded supermarket parking lot.....and then I am gonna bring Andy Dick up with me and just see what happens". Martz is currently being investigated by the Federal Aviation Administration for not wearing his seat belt.

TRAVELING LIFE: CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

TRUE TALES OF MY CHILDHOOD

THIS ORIGINALLY AIRED ON THE NOT REALLY RADIO SHOW IN 2008, I ADDED SOME IMAGES TO MAKE IT VISUAL.

Hollywood News: Jessica Simpson

JESSICA SIMPSON: "THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS...LACK OF FASHION SENSE YA'LL"
by Benjamin Wally Carrico
nationalcomedyradio.blogspot.com


It has been an exciting week for Jessica Simpson, since her infamous appearance at a chili cook off in Pembroke Pines, Florida. Simpson, who apparently took the stage dressed as Barbara Bach in a 'Dukes Of Hazzard' TV Reunion special, has lambasted the media for it's coverage of her expanding.....talent. "The media should be ashamed of it's self for focusing on my gigantic butt and the several yards of denim that were covering it.....my boobs are gigantic as well.....and I sing!" In an interesting turn of events, Jessica Simpson's waistline has been expanding as her celebrity has been reduced to paid appearances at food festivals, buffets and eating contests. "Jessica won first prize at a blueberry pie eating contest.....but was disqualified for vomiting on the other contestants, including Comedian Louie Anderson and 'Fatso' star, Dom DeLuise." Said Pembroke Pines resident Archibald Crossly. He went on to say "Once Jessica barfed, Mr. Anderson and Mr. DeLuise up chucked as well, causing a chain reaction that spread to the contest crowd including women, children and fifteen Shriners".
Jessica's Sister, Kareoke star Ashley Simpson, has weighed in on the media blitz by releasing this statement: "The media attention surrounding my sister Jessica's weight problem is disgusting....the media and everyone for that matter, should only pay attention to Jessica when she is thin and beautiful and then ignore her when she bloats up like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. What kind of message are you sending young girls?". Dom DeLuise and Louie Anderson could not be reached for comment.

I love LA

This is an exaggerated skit about several phone calls between myself and my dad, he does not understand why I would want to move to LA. Sure there are earthquakes, wild fires, mudslides, traffic congestion and rape but there is also lots and lots of pollution!




This is a very cheap looking video that a made to 'visualize' and audio skit that i made for the website that i am building content for (nationalcomedyradio.com). The photos are all stock photos and do not represent my experiences in Los Angeles (yet).

Hollywood News: KANYE WEST

KANYE WEST: “…Being God-Like is Humbling...”



Self proclaimed musical superstar Kanye West is now 'humble' according to his website Kanyeislord.com. “Pretending to be humble is the most humbling thing that I have ever had to pretend to be....you know, because being God-like is Humbling...” wrote Kanye in his new blog. He went on to write: “..I don't need to win music awards...I only need to know that I can win music awards...and that I will accept them because I deserve them...because I am the Elvis Presley of our time....from now on, call me Elvis Lennon Hendrix..”
Although Kanye West appears to be working hard at pretending to be humble, sources close to the singer say that he is focusing most of his energy on pretending to be appreciative and worthy, he is also experimenting with buzz cuts and funky fresh sunglasses, said the source.
Kanye West's sunglasses have come under fire from The American Eye Council recently for allegedly not blocking out UV Rays. According to a spokesperson of The AEC “Kanye West's Fashionable eye wear appear to only block out the reality of his own talent and not actual sunlight”. We chose not to reach Kanye West for comment.

Traveling Life: Hollywood News

Joel McHale Quits 'The Soup,' Afflicted with
Green Screen Poisoning


E! Network Main Stay, Joel McHale has unexpectedly walked off his popular show 'The Soup', allegedly suffering from complications of Green Screen Poisoning.
According to an E! Insider, Mr. McHale began to spontaneously weep after interviewing Danielle Fishel of The Style Network. Sources say that McHale began crying uncontrollably and was seen vomiting on a freshly botoxed Chelsey Handler. Joel McHale's PR rep released this statement:
“Joel McHale has been suffering from 'Chroma Key-mitosis', witch wikeopedia describes as a devastating illness linked to the extreme over use of the green or blue screen process.” The Statement goes on to read: “According to a doctor that Mr. McHale Knows, 'Chroma Key-mitosis' or 'Green Screen Poisoning' (as it is called in Canada) can only be treated by placing Joel McHale in a “talk show hosting scenario on one of the three major networks...”.
The E! Network could be reached for comment but I lost interest half way through the phone interview.

CRAZY TOWN by Benjamin Carrico

Los Angeles and it's surrounding satellites are something to behold.  LA is like it's own little world where nothing quite makes sense until you discover that maybe it is you that LA can't make sense of.  

In week one of this journey I was harassed by the Mexican Demon Twins, a nightmarish security duo that was securing the perimeter of a 'Prison Break' location shoot at Tequila Jacks in Long Beach.  Although I was simply standing on the dock, drinking a Coke while waiting for a interview at 'The Yard House' next door, the chupacabra of the security world decided that I was causing trouble by simply keeping to myself while watching the film crew set up a shot.  These big, punk bastards surrounded me like the gestapo, demanded my identification and then escorted me off the property.  Perhaps these two dumb ass immigrant bikers thought that I was a 'paparazzi' trying to photograph an awful television show being made for a pictorial in "The Worst Show On Television Magazine" or, maybe I just looked like I could be fucked with.

I always seem to look out of place in Los Angeles.  When I am on Melrose, pedestrians shoot glares at me like they somehow know that I haven't been 'trendy' since I wore a pair of pink Converse All-Stars during my senior year of High School and subsequently gained the affection of at least a few closeted freshman.  While Strolling Robertson Boulevard I am treated like one of the Clampetts in the pilot episode of 'The Beverly Hillbilly's' and at Venice Beach I feel like a young Republican at a satanic cult ritual.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I love the cornucopia of crazies at Venice Beach, especially at sunset when everyone acts like the world is going to end. Yet, there is something quite spooky to me when two-hundred drug- addled homeless teenagers are convulsing around  a drum circle at 5 in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

Sure, you can call me lame but I like the history of this City of broken dreams.  I like to the amazing architecture of days gone by, I can often be seen staring up in awe at some abandoned building on skid row because in my mind I can see how this city must have looked during the boom.  There are a million treasures to be found in this town and I plan to find them all.

 

For now, the closest thing that I have found to time travel is sitting in a place like Cole's Electric Pacific Restaurant in downtown LA and striking up a conversation with an old man that rambles about trains for an hour.  Sure the conversation may get redundant but the french dip sandwiches are delicious.

Traveling Life: Hollywood Part 1

Moving to Hollywood, CA has always been a dream of mine since I was a small child.  Of course, the Hollywood of my dreams doesn't really exist, nor has it ever existed according to Locals.  But I moved here anyway to find out for myself weather or not there might be a happy medium tucked between the fantasy tinsel town that lives in black and white studio films and the depressing mess that reality has created in this sprawling cluster fudge.

Once you sit through a few hypnosis sessions with a questionable "professional" to rid yourself of the stress and anxiety that comes with living in a earthquake prone, wild fire free for all, one can really enjoy the sun shine if you can see it through the smog and tear gas.  Of course this is a short list of all the negative aspects of Los Angeles, I wouldn't feel right to leave out the awful Jackson Pollack-ish freeway system, the homeless problem, and zombies.  For the love of God...THE ZOMBIES!

 Then there are the coked out, high-on-there-own-hype celebrities that  grease the gears of this evil machine that destroys everything in it's path.  Hollywood has traded Clark Gable for Paris Hilton and has buried anyone that resembles a role model up to there necks in sand at high tide.  Of course there are still positive influences in Hollywood, one can only feel good about the world when Ed Begley Jr. plows through a crowd of celebrispawn and CW shit heads outside of the Ivy with his electric car.  Ed Begley Jr. has NOT committed electric vehicular homicide but I am sure he dreams about it, well....I dream about it at least.

I am told that Hollywood is going green.  I would love to believe this story, but I happen to use public transportation in Los Angeles and the only actors that slum it on the metro are buskers and heroin addicts.  Riding the rails in LA resembles traveling down a mine shaft on a coal cart with a hundred other people plagued with the same realization that I have come to embrace.  Poor immigrants and down-on-their-luck-ers use mass transit out of necessity not choice while the rich and famous trade out their incandescent bulbs for compact fluorescents on their private jets so that they can be photographed with Al Gore for the Earth Day spread in Douche bag magazine.

Of course, I could be wrong.  After all, I have only lived here for a month.